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Nothing else matters.
Aug. 5th, 2011 01:33 pmRuby made her debut to the world on July 30, 2011. I woke up around 2:30 in the morning with contractions that were two to five minutes apart, and by 4:00 we were at the hospital. We labored for eleven hours, pushed for two - and then we were informed that her head just wasn't descending and we could push for another hour, but that the delivering doctor strongly suggested a c-section.
I felt like a failure. Aside from serious anxiety about having a major surgery, I was completely exhausted and worried that there would be a complication. Prior to this moment, everything had been easy - albeit painful at times - and now I was going to be opened up? The most major surgery I'd had in the past was to remove an impacted wisdom tooth. These doctors were going to CUT ME OPEN.
I agreed, sadly, and then spent several minutes puking. I was wheeled into the operating room, strapped down to a table and given more drugs. A sheet was put up so I couldn't see the process. I didn't mind. Ryan held my left hand and told me I was and had been doing a good job.
I didn't feel pain as they pulled her out. The window in the sheet was opened so I could see her and instantly I was in love. I wasn't concerned about the c-section anymore. My husband was on my left side and my little girl was in front of me, eyes wide open and from what we could see, completely healthy. She was whisked away for weighing - wherein they determined she weight ELEVEN POUNDS, SIX OUNCES. Now I know why I felt so terrible during my last two months of pregnancy. I was carrying around a small human who was heavier than the ball I'd use if I were bowling. Everything made sense. Ryan stood with the nurses as they weighed her. She pooped all over the scale. Ryan says he responded, "That's my girl!" but I didn't hear it. She was placed next to me as the doctors began to close me up - but that's when things got painful. I had to be sedated because it felt like the doctors were kneading and squeezing my internal organs with no real reason.
When I woke up, we were back in the hospital room. Ruby had been given a bath but was hungry, so we were brought together to feed. She wouldn't latch right away so we had to supplement with formula. All I wanted to do was look at my little girl and cuddle her close.
We spent the next 24 hours in the hospital - I was very sore and uncomfortable, and Ruby just wanted to sleep. We slowly got into the habit of breastfeeding and infant care, and eventually I was able to walk the hall. We came home on August 1.
I knew immediately that I was compelled to write about the experience of raising my little girl. I never thought I'd be the type to get all schmoopy over an infant - even my own - but Ruby has changed everything. She is the one thing that matters anymore. I love her more than anything and want her close at all times.
So this is mostly a little place for me to write about these things - but maybe you'd like to read it too? Stay tuned.
I felt like a failure. Aside from serious anxiety about having a major surgery, I was completely exhausted and worried that there would be a complication. Prior to this moment, everything had been easy - albeit painful at times - and now I was going to be opened up? The most major surgery I'd had in the past was to remove an impacted wisdom tooth. These doctors were going to CUT ME OPEN.
I agreed, sadly, and then spent several minutes puking. I was wheeled into the operating room, strapped down to a table and given more drugs. A sheet was put up so I couldn't see the process. I didn't mind. Ryan held my left hand and told me I was and had been doing a good job.
I didn't feel pain as they pulled her out. The window in the sheet was opened so I could see her and instantly I was in love. I wasn't concerned about the c-section anymore. My husband was on my left side and my little girl was in front of me, eyes wide open and from what we could see, completely healthy. She was whisked away for weighing - wherein they determined she weight ELEVEN POUNDS, SIX OUNCES. Now I know why I felt so terrible during my last two months of pregnancy. I was carrying around a small human who was heavier than the ball I'd use if I were bowling. Everything made sense. Ryan stood with the nurses as they weighed her. She pooped all over the scale. Ryan says he responded, "That's my girl!" but I didn't hear it. She was placed next to me as the doctors began to close me up - but that's when things got painful. I had to be sedated because it felt like the doctors were kneading and squeezing my internal organs with no real reason.
When I woke up, we were back in the hospital room. Ruby had been given a bath but was hungry, so we were brought together to feed. She wouldn't latch right away so we had to supplement with formula. All I wanted to do was look at my little girl and cuddle her close.
We spent the next 24 hours in the hospital - I was very sore and uncomfortable, and Ruby just wanted to sleep. We slowly got into the habit of breastfeeding and infant care, and eventually I was able to walk the hall. We came home on August 1.
I knew immediately that I was compelled to write about the experience of raising my little girl. I never thought I'd be the type to get all schmoopy over an infant - even my own - but Ruby has changed everything. She is the one thing that matters anymore. I love her more than anything and want her close at all times.
So this is mostly a little place for me to write about these things - but maybe you'd like to read it too? Stay tuned.
